Sadness was overshadowed by anger, and once again, I felt like I was staring at evidence that Phoenix was a con artist, a hypocrite. I had spent all those years resisting his charms, and now I felt lied to. I felt betrayed. Some journalists canonized Phoenix as a martyr of Hollywood, a bright star tarnished by the corruption of the industry; others were much less kind.
The panting tone of earlier reports was replaced with a cold resentment. I probably said the same, too. I knew nothing of his life or his circumstances save for what little I had read in magazines.
Yet I felt comfortable, righteous even, to judge him not for who he was but who I thought he was — who I expected he was rather — based on spotty information gleaned when he was a teenager.
Neither had a lot of headlines. Had I known better, maybe I would have been kinder. River Phoenix screwed up. He really, really screwed up. He was 23 years old, and he made a bad decision, and that bad decision cost him his life. Do I excuse him of his responsibility? Whether or not he considered the possible outcomes, he loaded the gun, put it to his head, and pulled the trigger.
But I also think the pendulum has swung too far in reaction. Belushi speedballed his way into an early grave; Cobain literally put a gun to his head; but Phoenix flouted popular expectation, and by doing so, has been largely forgotten.
For all the critical praise of his talents, for all the dedications and tributes that followed for months after, today Phoenix is reduced to a lame, tasteless punch line on an episode of Family Guy.
His death has overshadowed his life. In other words, Phoenix was human. When I was 18, and for quite a long time after, I failed to take that into consideration. As a friend of mine suggested, when Phoenix died, I reacted as if he had been an adult. Now, looking back, I realize he was just another stupid kid. When I look back at that cloying, sentimental film that came to define my adolescence or that lyrical ode to a confused, narcoleptic wanderer, I miss him.
I miss what he was; I miss what he did; I miss what I imagine he could have become. My Own Private Idaho was a monumental achievement, but Phoenix was still gestating. I hated him for being perfect, then I hated him when he turned out not to be.
But unbeknownst to him, Phoenix and I grew up together. We had fights; we had truces. We attended dozens of sleepovers. Later, we got drunk; we got high. We had some good times. We never met, but I reacted to his death as personally and as viscerally as if we had. River Phoenix played a more significant role in some of my most precious childhood memories than some of the people that I actually knew, and when he died, that pretty kid with the perfect hair and the pointy, upturned nose who used to get on my nerves took a piece of my childhood with him.
Skip to content Search for:. Kellie M. River Phoenix was Hollywood's "It Boy" when tragically, he passed away at the young age of His unexpected death left his fans in mourning, but it was an unfortunate accident that could have ultimately been prevented, according to The Guardian. Phoenix grew up in the limelight and appeared in his first film, "Explorers," at age Growing up in the spotlight, Phoenix was outspoken about disliking the idea of being famous, and as his acting career took off, so did his abuse of alcohol and other drugs.
But a handful of fans still appear outside the club each Halloween. You must be logged in to post a comment. Login Login. Forgotten Password. Register For This Site A password will be e-mailed to you. Username E-mail. Leave a comment Cancel reply You must be logged in to post a comment. Deaths River Phoenix.
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